Stay
by FritsL
Summary: Naruto's feelings for his abusive relationship with sasuke comes in the way of his dream life, and he'll have to choose.
1. leave

I looked at the black and blue spots on my arms. They were slowly becoming less.  
I smiled a little.

It's not that bad.  
Nothing is wrong.  
I'm doing great, I'm not hurt, I'll survive, it's worth it. He stays now, from time to time.  
I don't care how many times he beats me up.  
I don't care how hurt he is now.  
Nor do I care about how much shame he carries with him.  
Or how much shame he brings on me.  
Me, me as the hokage, I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't bring shame on my village by letting an criminal hurt me, love me, be my friend. They should have been prepared for it though. I have let the whole world down trying to keep him up. I'd keep him up on my pinky, even if he was the one who cut off all my other fingers.  
My body ached now. It's not only because of him. I have work. Lots of work. I work overtime to meet him. Then again I can't sleep because of him and that makes me work more. I don't really know how this affects my work because of that. He sometimes even helps.. in his own way; by judging my choices.  
It's funny isn't it? I listen to him. What would the people say when they knew an s-ranked criminal was making choices about them?! they would hate me! they would hate me for life..

The door opened aggressively. I pushed my armpipes down while pink hair swung above a pile of papers. "These people are annoying the shit out of me! what do they think, that you're a god? that's I'm a fucking demon angel thing? I'll kill them one day!" Sakura threw the files on his desk. "I already picked out some thinking files you'll have to do together with shikamaru. " I smiled brightly at sakura, though, she, of all people could probably see through it "you're tired, get some sleep, go get the day off"  
I agreed. Since there was no way in arguing sakura either way.  
Sakura's thing right now, is not even advising me, it is getting shikamaru and me to do stuff. We are the ultimate team.. We are also ultimately lazy, even when grown up. Sometimes even the ultimately scaruy team; and them I'm talking about I'm talking about ino and sakura, came together again to kick our asses, and get us back to work. To tamari's absolute annoyance of coures. She never really had something with ino, it's still basically the same. I would say they are just being jealous, foolish (since ino doens't like shikamaru) but whatever, if they like to fight who am I to stop them? The hokage. Okay good point, but there is no way I'd risk my life stopping these ladies.

I walked out, thanking sakura as she took my work over.  
Walking through the city on days like this was horrible. I loved the attention, usually. But no one likes too much attention when you're tired. No one. I don't like the stares, I like the smiles, but not the fact they are all directed to me. I love the morning greetings, but sometimes they get too much.  
I looked at my old apartment. The good old days, when sasuke was here and I was the little annoying guy. I would give so much to go back, proudly yell "Believe it" when people say I wouldn't be hokage. How much I would have loved to see myself now, I'd finally believe my own words. I honesly will find myself going to the people doubting me back then yelling "Believe it!" in their face.  
I smiled at myself.  
I could be proud.  
If he hadn't been here. Not that I want that. I'd die if he'd leave now.

_The black cloak had hidden the whole body. Still he knew al too well who this was. At least, naruto knew who's grave this was. It was mikoto uchiha's. Naruto had put the new stones there himself after he had become hokage. Pain had blown it all away, tsunade never had the money or the chance. Naruto had paid extra attention to the uchiha's graves, even though he knew it was unfair, he couldn't help it. Even if he knew he could never visit them without the whole village loosing their mind._

_But now, he was here, and this guy was here too.  
Naruto was certain, even if it was only by the way of standing, and walking, this was sasuke. It was the last damned uchiha. Naruto's best friend. Or ex best friend? whatever they'd call it.  
With rilling legs naruto walked to the graves. To the man in black._

_"Naruto" He heard before he could even come close._

_His heart flipped. His belly turned. His mind lost it. Sasuke's voice had matured even more. Or maybe it had just been an incredible long time since naruto had heard it? Whichever it was, one simple word, no, naruto's own name out of sasuke's mouth made him loose it.  
But he was the hokage, he needed to suppress these feelings.  
"sasuke"_

_He sounded calm indeed. He sounded powerful like he was._

_"Or should I say mister hokage now?" Sasuke laughed sarcastic, making naruto sick._

_"No, naruto's fine" Sasuke turned around. He looked so mature. So beautiful. Like he always had. But now.. Naruto could appreciate it. Every single look at sasuke was a special moment.  
"I'm looking for something, a small box with our families stuff"_

_"It might have been blown away by pai-" Withing seconds naruto had a swort against his neck. "Or it's buried here"  
As the sword left, naruto breathed calmly. He thought about what to do. What would happen if he's be seen with sasuke.  
"I'll let someone get it for you.. But you need to leave before someone sees you here"_

_"You're scared someone's going to kill me? Because they're all hokage's dogs, they won't" Sasuke bit at the blond. Probably thinking of what itachi had done while saying so._

_"It's dangerous for me, not for you, now leave, I'll leave the box in the woods next to these stones"_

_Then, within seconds, sasuke was gone._

I pushed my face into my pillow. My head hurting thinking of the times me and sasuke had met up. I'm not even sure how it became like this. How me giving him something turned into this relation? How many times has he pushed his lips on mine and then cursed at me, left? How many times has he told me that he wouldn't come back, that I'd never see him again? How long has this been going on? All I know is that it's been too long. That it's horrible, I'm childishly putting my own feelings before others needs.

Every time he comes here I become more selfish. I start to accept the way he treats me more. Where did the little kid that yelled at sasuke go? has it disapeared? Or was it never like that? Did I yell because the danger was not there?

"What are you thinking off, crying like a baby?" The calm voice filled his room. Sasuke was next to me. I turned my head to look at the ceiling. "What are you doing coming into my village without permission?"

"I'm meeting the hokage. If you don't believe me you should ask him" I looked at sasuke. How could someone not fall for this, for him? blaming me would be foolish, everyone would fall for his cold sassyness.

" Oh, okay then I guess it's fine" I stood up and walked to my big kitchen. The house feeling less cold with the two of us. It had been like that for quite some time.  
"You want something to drink?"

"Sake"

"not drinking again.." Naruto sighed. knowing where this would end up.

"What?" Sasuke said pissed.

"you never talk sober" I looked at him, a glare answering me

"I'm not planning on talking to you at all! be glad I do, fuck this, I'm leaving"  
My eyes went around the room. Afraid he would really leave. Afraid my weeks of waiting for one visit would be in vain. All the pain I had thinking about him slashing through my mind. Missing him hurts so much more than the bruises and kisses. So much more.

"No, stay"

"Sake then"

"One sake for the stuck up asshole" Naruto mumbled taking a bottle of sake and handing it to sasuke.

"Say narutoo.. have you smacked the people who wouldn't believe you would be hokage yet?" Sasuke said, his bare chest showing even more because, i don't know he hates shirts even more when he's drunk?

"No sasuke, I can't, i'm the hokage"

"Pff, that's why I hate this, I can beat up whoever I want"

"But you don't"

"Shut up foxboy" Sasuke's voice was suddenly a little less mysterious. Which made me feel amazing. It made me feel like we were close together. Sasuke moved closer to me and pulled my hair. Here we go. Again. "Naruto, let's have sex tonight"

"I can't" He pulled my hair and pushed me down.

"It's not that hard"

"Sasuke, I can't.. I'm not going to bring shame on the whole village" Within seconds sasuke's first was on my jaw, pain going through my body. Surpisingly it didn't break on the spot. "I'll burnyour shamed village down!"  
My arm burned as my raised them and let my fist connect with sasuke's nose. "Goddamnit naruto"

_Am i really lving for these moments? For the way he beats me up drunken, because we both can't accept feelings when sober?_

"Sasuke leave" Okay, I'll leave, and I'll stay away"

_yes that's the way it should be. That should get rid of all the problems._

"no, no, stay.. I'll have sex with you, just stay" Sasuke walked my way, my jaw still hurting like crazy, his nose bleeding, my body ruined by his anger rages. "Naruto I hate myself" he said softly. "I killed itachi, and you.."

I nodded. " it's not your fault" "Everyone hates me" "People hated me to"

_He'll regret this when he wakes up sober._

Sasuke pushed his lips on mine in the most aggressive manner. He pushed me on the cough, pulling my shirt out. tears from all the tension coming out of my eyes. Neither one of us really minding it. As his hand slipped into my pants. "we're two lonely boys" I whispered in his ear as his hand gripped my hard on. Sasuke smirked, licking my ear.

Suddenly I heard the door close. My eyes snapping to the door, seeing the pin hair quickly walking off.

"Shit, fuk, fuck fuck fuck" I stood up and walked to the door.

"You're going outside with a hard on?!" Sasuke yelled. Shit. His voice was that way again. He was going crazy again. "Going after your girlfriend?! have fun naruto! have a great life waking up with an headache from the pink hair!"

"sasuke calm down" I walked his way.

"FIRST I NEED TO CALM DOWN AND THEN I HAVE TO LEAVE! IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT! SO YOU CAN REGAIN YOUR PERFECT FUCKING LIFE!" I close my eyes. Knowing he was right. I did always send him away for my perfect life. But here was everything I loved, and his selfishness was going to ruin it. My voice tightened, almost gone

"That's right.. you are in the way of my perfect life" I whispered. As I got hit in my face. In my belly. Until I was bleeding. I couldn't move. I took it. I took it because this was the last time he'd beat me up like this. The last time I let him leave.  
When I laid on the ground. Parilyzed. I started talking "sasuke, leave.. I'm going to protect my village"

"I never liked the village, so I didn't want to come back when you told me.. But I came back to you naruto"


	2. Stay

I heard a knock on my door before sakura hesitantly walked into my office.  
"Naruto"  
her voice was soft, the same as in the hospital when she needed patients to keep calm or when she had to tell relatives that the patient didn't make it through. That was the voice she was using on me now. Like I could go crazy any minute. Maybe she was right, but I hate her ' I don't want you to hate me but~' voice.  
"What you saw, it's over. I cut off al bonds with him that evening" my heart turned, it was mad at me. "naruto, I-" "I know! I know, I let it get too far. It was foolish of me. I should have brought the village in danger like that"  
Sakura walked my way, softly laid her hand on my face and looked at me carefully. With love. "Are you okay?"  
That question was too deep, somehow. It broke the wall I had build up and let every thought roam free. Am I really okay?  
Not that it matter. My feelings are foolishly annoying things in this game of high men. I came to the top by using my own feelings, but now it can only get me down. It won't help. I have to push them away.  
"I'm fine sakura" Sakura's hand tightened on the table. "Yes very normal! beautiful bags under your red eyes, nice ruined body, scars on your face! Good job being hokage, letting yourself get beat up without even gaining anything for yourself, neither for the villlage!"  
I looked down. "How do you kn-" "You're too nice, you'd do anything for him! You wouldn't fight him" "I do" "Not to death! and he would.." I pushed my eyes closed.  
She says that. Sasuke could have killed me right there. He was mad, he could have killed me while I laid on the ground. He could have burned whole konoha down without anyone knowing it was him. He didn't.  
Tears welled up in my eyes. "sakura I don't know what to do anymore!" "You need to get your shit together" "How?!" My hands were rilling as sakura closed the curtains and locked the door. Sakura took my hands.  
"We'll figure something out" She whispered. "Something against loving him? there's no such thing" She smiled "I did it to" "You were in love! I love him! I don't know how, or why, but I love him!" Sakura was quiet. Looked in the distance. She was shocked. She didn't know this, and she didn't know what to do with it. "You need to find yourself back.. you can do it" She said, her arms slipping around me, holding me like I could just slip away.

I heard the laughing of children as I walked through the village. I smiled at everyone. Waved at old friends, slightly bowed at old ladies who blushed and giggled.  
The hokage. That's what he does.  
I'm so tired. I want my dreams back. I want my real smile back.  
I want my old team back. I want to curs at kiba and love sakura.  
I want to try and beat sasuke again, without a second thought, just to impress girls, just because everyone loves him.  
Now everyone loves me, people dispise him.  
It hurts even more; knowing the one I love is hated by everyone. Even I treat him like shit. For fuck's sake, everyone treats him like shit and I'm just following the crowds orders. Usually I'm the one choosing but eventually it's the people who choose.  
If it was my choice I'm let sasuke walk around the village freely.  
No.  
I'd make sure he could never leave.

It was quiet, laying in my bed. I was used to being lonely. If I wanted I could call hinata, or another girl. All of them would love me. All of them would hold me and kiss me.  
None of the girls have ugly duckbud hair though. One of the girls will bite my neck until it bleeds. None of them will make my heart turn and my eyes turn. Making me wonder if the day where we can always be together will come. A day where he's waiting for me when I come home. When he curses at me for waking him when we lie together and I'd call him bastard because I have to cook.  
I'd give up anything, anything except from the village. Which is, what I'd give.  
Why do I have to choose? Why can't I choose between an orange black and orange blue suit, like I used to?  
Why did I choose without thinking?  
WHy did I choose myself?

"Naruto, you get this?" I nodded, honestly having no idea what shikamaru was talking about what soever. "Naruto.. You should take a break" I shook my head. I wanted work to keep my mind off sasuke. Though I knew, it would never work, in the weeks sasuke had left things had gotten worse.  
"it's not your fault" Shikamaru mumbled. "what?" "That sasuke's gone.." "why do you say this?" "You're wearing your 'i'm thinking of sasuke face' also you put away all your old pictures" I looked down as shikamaru said this, he knows me too well.  
"Shikamaru, can you cover for me?" He nodded, smiling a little. "Naruto-" my face turned to shika after I stood up "They might be scary, or your enemy.. Love is never impossible" I smiled and thanked him, going to my home, leaving in the deep night.

"One months Naruto?! You just left everything in our hands for one month?!" Sakura yelled at me as I came into the office. I ignored her. "what if the village got attacked?! Hu, naruto?!" I closed my eyes tightly. I couldn't handle her shit right now. I couldn't even handle my own shit. "What if shikamaru hadn't covered for you!?" "You'd have to choose another hokage, well boo to the fucking hoo" I mumbled pissed off. I didn't want to give up on being hokage. Not in a million years. Not after failing to find sasuke after a month of searching, risking my life and my village.  
I had tried. I had tried like I did when I was young. When I looked for a friend in this criminal.  
"You're repeating histor,a naruto! You're ruining our happiness again" "OUR?! YOU GAVE UP ON HIM, NOT ME!"  
I cursed and jumped out of the window.  
Going to the uchiha graves one last time. A slightest bit of hope in me said that he'd be there. It was just a lie. But it was keeping me up for now.  
Slowly, I walked to the big graves. It was empty. It was cold. Everything spoke of the winter. The graves didn't look lonely though. The graves were together as a family. There was only one person missing, the one that was still alive. The love of my life.

My door made a fuckload of noise as I walked into my apartment. My legs were giving up on me. Proving me that mental power really decided what my physical power would be like. Now my whole body was pained like my mind, like my heart. I couldn't go on like this. Even if I had to let everyone down trying to get rid of this feeling, maybe I'd do it. For now, I could only hope it would go away.  
I walked into the kicthen. Took a bottle of sake, not bothering to take a glass and walking to my bedroom. My apartment was warm. The heat was on. I walked into my room with my eyes closed. Sat on my bed.  
But when I sat on my bed.. I "Dobe, don't sit on me"  
The sake slipped out of my hand, I jumped up and looked at sasuke.  
Withing seconds I had his face captured between my hands and tears rolled out of my eyes. I cried. "Sasuke, I'm sorry" I whispered, my voice breaking. I stroke his cheeks softly. Let my hand go through the familiar hair. It felt so many times better now.  
Crying, shaking, I pushed my lips on his.  
He was shaking to.  
He was scared. Sasuke uchiha, the S-ranked criminal, he was scared because I kissed him.  
Our lips slightly sticked together as we pulled back. Our noses still touching when we looked into each others eyes.  
"Sasuke, please stay.. I'll loose my mind without you" Sasuke frowned a little, looking down "You always say that."  
My heart skipped a beat. So afraid.  
I let my hand travel into his neck, my other still holding his face. "This time I want you to stay forever.. I want to keep you here, I'm not going to give up on the village, but lying a little, loving a lot.. it can't hurt"  
Sasuke smirked a little, pecking my lips, so damn softly. His hands so cold on my burning skin.  
I pulled out my shirt, so did he. His abs were inhuman, yet he was so fucking thin. His skin pale compared to mine.  
My eyes full of tears as our bodies clenched together.  
"Please stay.. sasuke" I whispered as I kissed his ear. He chuckled, biting my ear. I felt his tongue travel to my neck, Carefully he let is sevilla hit my skin, his tongue massaging my skin.  
I smiled as he pushed me on the bed. For once, he was sober. For once, I was not going to ask him to leave.  
I felt sasuke become hard as I did to. Too many feelings swelling up inside of us. His kisses so soft and sweet, other times demanding and manly. It was like there was nothing he couldn't be when our naked bodies connected.  
It was as if he had known this was coming. He was calmly taking lead. He knew what to do.  
So when he pushed himself inside me, his face showing worries and pleasure at the same time, it felt good, I could only feel good. Or maybe I've just become a sadist over the time me and sasuke started seeing each other? Whatever it was, all I could do was moan in pleasure, absolutely longing for sasuke, for his moves and touches. For the way he went so damn deep when he kissed me. I loved the way he let me bite his hand when it got too painfull. I had never seen sasuke uchiha this loving.  
It was something no one expected to see, yet I was the lucky bastard who got to see it.  
His loving side.

When I woke up I felt alone. The bed was empty. A pain shot through my body. I cursed a little. Turned to look around the room. Noting that he was really gone. He left me again. I closed my eyes in mental pain, standing up, cold.

I walked through the door and then, with my eyes close, got something really hot, literally hot, over me when I bumbed into.. Sasuke.  
"great there goes my koffie" sasuke said in a grunt. I smiled brightly. Kissing him on his lips "what the fuck, dope?" I smiled "I though you had left" Sasuke shook his head "I was trying to be nice, but I regret it and I'm never going to do it again" I frowned "What do you mean?" he smirked. "Look at the kitchen and you'll know"  
I sighed extremely. "You're an idiot" He grunted "I love you" I mumbled right after.  
"You do now, but wait until you see the kitchen" I smiled.

I guess that's fine. That's his way of saying this.

"From now on I'll cook for you, okay?" "If you insist to be a housewife, fine"

Translation: yes, I'll stay.


End file.
